혹시 싸워도 같은 침대에서 잡시다.
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좋은 관계를 지속하려면 ‘존중’이 중요하다고 생각합니다 - 상대에게 이래야 한다고 가르치려 들지 않는 것.
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한 여자만 사랑하기에도 인생은 너무 짧고 할 일은 많습니다
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love,
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true
I want to know if you can
disappoint another to be true to yourself
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul
if you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy
I want to know if you can see beauty
even when it’s not pretty,
every day,
and if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon
“Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments
A more pressing problem for me is that I have never been able to love anyone seriously. I have never felt unconditional love for anyone since the day I was born, never felt that I could give myself completely to that one person. Never once.
Why can’t I love myself? It’s because I can’t love anyone else. A person learns how to love himself through the simple acts of loving and being loved by someone else. (왜 나 자신을 사랑하지 못하는가, 그건 타인을 사랑하지 못하기 때문이에요. 사람은 누군가를 사랑하고 그리고 누군가에게 사랑을 받고, 그런 행위를 통해 나 자신을 사랑하는 방법을 아는 거예요. 누군가를 사랑하지도 못하면서 자신을 올바르게 사랑할 수는 없어요)
레밍효과
사회현상을 설명하는 이론중에 ‘레밍효과’라는 것이 있다.
레밍은 들쥐의 일종인데 몸길이가 3.5cm에 불과한 작고 귀여운 동물로,
주로 핀란드와 스칸디나비아반도의 산악지대에 서식한다.
이 들쥐는 번식력이 아주 강해 거주지역의 먹거리가 떨어지면 단체로 이주를 하는데
레밍이 유명해진 것은 이러한 번식력과 집단이주가 아니라 ‘집단자살’이다.
새로운 먹거리를 찾다가 해안 절벽에 도달하면 선두그룹의 대장은 용감하게
절벽 아래로 뛰어내린다. 그 뒤를 따르는 레밍들은 조금의 의심도 없이 대장 레밍을
따라 뛰어 내리면서 단체로 바다에 빠져 죽는 ‘집단자살’이 이루어진다.
이와같이 맹목적으로 남을 따라하는 행동을 ‘레밍효과’라 부른다.
비슷한 의미로 ‘스템피드 현상’이라는 것도 있는데 이는 한 마리의 가축이
놀라 우왕좌왕하면 주변의 가축 모두가 놀라 우르르 내달리게 되는 것처럼
남들이 하니까 영문도 모르고 따라하는 현상을 두고 하는 말이다.
왜 이런 현상이 나타날까?
바로 무리에서 도태되면 죽게 되는 약한 동물들의 본능이다.
이러한 현상은 동물세계에서만 있는 것이 아니라 인간 사회에서도 존재한다.
경쟁이나 왕따의 압박을 견뎌내는 것이 몹씨 힘들 때
극복할 의지가 부족한 사람은 자포자기를 하게된다.
언론기사는 언제나 승자의 영광에 촛점을 맞추고 그를 스포트라이트한다.
이런 절박하고 견디기 힘든 상황에서 어느 한 대장 레밍이 나타나 이끌면
자포자기는 위안이 되고, 자살은 어쩔 수 없는 선택이자 누구나 할 수 있는 선택지로 미화된다.
모두가 벼랑 끝으로 달려가는 쥐떼들 같이 우리는 그저 달리기만 한다.
모두 미친 상태라서 내가 미쳤다는 것도 모른다.
우리는 그저 남과 경쟁해서 이기는 법만 배워왔다.
비극의 씨앗은 이렇게 우리 마음속에 필요악인양 독버섯처럼 자랐다.
그저 경쟁에서 이기는 법만 배워왔기 때문에 자신이 어떤 사람인지 잘 알지 못한다.
내가 정말 좋아하는 것, 내가 정말 행복해 하는 것,
내가 모든 열정을 쏟아 부어서 할 수 있는 것이 무엇인지조차 인지하지 못한다.
그래서 자기가 하고 있는 일에 대한 애정도, 열정도, 믿음도 없다.
천길 낭떨어지의 절벽 아래 바다로 가는지도 모르고 그저 남들 따라 달리기만 할 뿐이다.
“책임져”
“응?”
“여자 마음을 흔든 책임”
“흔든 사람이 멈춰야지”
Most people don’t feel inadequate if they don’t know how to code.
Most of Silicon Valley is focused on building products for the top 1% of the world’s population. Most of the world needs solutions to problems we rarely talk about…
Finally finished reading Tony Hsieh’s book this week!
We (“KoFounders” at YouNoodle/KISED) visited Zappos’ Vegas office in April - I have to say, it was a pleasantly surprising experience; the way everyone seemed happy in their vibrant (somewhat weirdly decorated, all with each person’s personality) office, creating their own culture within the community with own initiatives; especially given that many of Zappos employees are doing ‘call center’ work, which is usually considered to be the most dull and boring job (something most companies outsource & terribly fail at pleasing customers - even @ Singapore Airlines!) - but at Zappos, it was all about, really, delivering ‘happiness’ to customers. They have no restrictions on the length of conversation nor do they have a script; other than being themselves - apparently one of them spent 10+ hours with a customer…
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Some quotes from Hsieh, T. (2010) Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, And Purpose. New York: Business Plus.
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” - Gandhi
“Happiness is really just about four things: perceived control, perceived progress, connectedness (number and depth of your relationships), and vision/meaning (being part of something bigger than yourself).”
“Money alone isn’t enough to bring happiness … happiness [is] when you’re actually truly ok with losing everything you have.”
“I had decided to stop chasing the money, and start chasing the passion.”
“I don’t need more money, so what was it good for? I wasn’t spending the money i already had. So why was i staying at microsoft, vesting in peace, trying to get more of it?
I made the list of the happiest periods in my life, and i realized that none of them involved money. I realized that building stuff and being creative and inventive made me happy. Connecting with a friend and talking through the entire night until the sun rose made me happy. Trick or treaitng in the middle school with a group of my closest friends made me happy. eating a baked potato after a swim meet made me happy.”
“Without conscious and deliberate effort, inertia always wins”
‘A great company is more likely to die of indigestion of too much opportunity than starvation from too little.’ - Packard Law (p89)
‘Be humble: In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind, there are a few’ - Shnryu Suzuki.
Zappos 10 core values
- Deliver WOW through service
- Embrace and drive change
- Create fun and a little wierdness
- Be adventurous, creative, and open-minded
- Pursue growth and learning
- Build open and honest relationship with communication
- Build a postive team and family spirit
- Do more with less
- Be passionate and determined
- Be Humble